Hey! I miss you sooo much! There are things that have happened over the last few weeks that I would normally have a field day with on this blog, but… Here’s the scoop. You know I write anonymously – for the most part. There are a few people who know who I am and all of them do not have my best interest at heart. It is kind of difficult to write about my intimate feelings and life when I know the haters are lurking. My mother always says, “PSM, don’t allow people to change who you are.” I try not to, unless it is for the better. It ain’t always easy!
Every once in a while something happens in life that teaches us a valuable lesson and we will make a change, if we know what good for us.
By now you know that I am opinionated and outspoken. I say what is on my mind and I do not make apologies for who I am… unless I am wrong. When I am wrong, I admit it and never forget it. I am an emotional and expressive woman. I don’t believe in pulling punches and playing games. I speak my heart; the good and the bad. When it’s all good, men love me for it. It helps put their egos at ease; it leaves very little room for doubt on their part. PAUSE ~ I am not saying to be an all-telling fool without mystery or discretion. I am just suggesting that you show a little charm and exercise a little charisma and sass by letting a man know we are interested without being a doormat. If he doesn’t reciprocate, then you know that he is not for you and you can walk away. Find someone who is into you… Next! PLAY~ Oh, but when it’s bad most men can’t handle it. Ladies, the male ego is very fragile. I liken it to a piece of crystal. In the right form, it is beautiful and it stands on its own. Oftentimes so attractive you want to touch it and take it home with you. When it chips, you turn it around so the smooth side is facing outwards. But should it fall and chatter… Hmp, you just might be better off leaving it there. The cuts you may receive attempting to put it back together may not be worth it! And then you have those works of art that are so beautiful, you are willing to cut your hand up as long as you can still use the hand when all is said and done.
I was downright disrespectful, out of order and out of control during one of my “I have abandonment issues” rants. He is always so accessible and for the first time in months, I couldn’t reach him for a few hours. It was as if all of the time that we put in previously meant nothing as my mind made up all different scenarios and wondered if he was losing interest. CRAZY! I had just spoken to him for hours earlier that day and he had texted me twice. PAUSE ~ I was bugging and I can admit that. If I could do it all over again, God knows I would have responded differently, but what’s done is done. PLAY~ I’ve said it before… “Everything ain’t for everybody” and disrespect ain’t for him! My behavior was unacceptable. I cannot rationalize what I did. I lost control. I allowed my “conditions and issues” to govern my actions. My “daddy issues” were all up in this episode. Why? Why would I allow my issues with my father (who has already caused enough heartache in my life) to cast a dark cloud over me in this wonderful relationship? I cannot answer that. But what I can tell you is this… It will never happen again.
A friend of mine said to me once, “Let’s be honest, there are times when our bosses say something completely inappropriate to us and we want to reach across the desk and wild out. We can’t.” And while there are quite a few stories of down right nasty and mean bosses getting what they deserve, more often than not, we have to sit there and exercise restraint. We don’t wild out, we don’t tell them where they can put their job and opinion. We just listen and respond with a level headed reaction. We all know how to practice self-discipline, but we do not always do it. There are so many things in this life that we cannot control, but want to. I can’t focus on them. What I can control, I will…ME!
And the beat plays on…