Today was a great day because God woke me up and gave me the courage to get out of bed and face the world another day…
And even with that I found myself fighting back tears more than once. There’s a sadness that follows me these days. There is a disappointment that keeps me consciously aching… PAUSE ~ I wonder if conscious aching is less painful than not knowing. They say ignorance is bliss, but what’s the bright side of that? There’s no reconciliation; no resolution; no way to better the situation… if you don’t know it’s wrong. PLAY ~
For the first time in my life I trusted someone. Truly. At first, I thought he was crazy; nobody could be that sure of someone else; of me. But he was certain we were destine for forever. Maybe he was sure of me, but with time he became unsure of himself? I don’t know and I’m not going to sit around and attempt to figure it out.
My heart is broken. I thought I was almost done; thought I’d picked up all the pieces and all I had to do was put it back together. But I keep stepping on little fragments. This puzzle is more difficult than I thought.
My mother knows me so well. I stopped by her house for two minutes. “What’s the matter?” She said. I looked at her and my gaze said, “Nothing new; the same thing that’s been wrong. My heart, my trust, my pride, me… I am broken. And it’s taking longer than I thought to put myself back together.” And with that stare, I just turned walked out the door and drove home.
I don’t feel sorry for myself. I just hate to see anyone hurt so deeply… Especially me.
XO~
PSM
