Writing…expression in the form of written word is my first love. My blog is entertainment for some; something to relate to and grab their interest for a moment or two, but for me it is life. It is therapy. It is the place I go to sort out the matters of my heart and my mind… freely and without immediate response. The emotions I write of are passing feelings and thoughts…some re-occurring and some not. My blogs and the emotions are a moment in my life… They are the points that I want to address when my fingers hit the keyboard.
I did mention in a recent blog that these days I am only interested in doing what I want to do i.e. go to the gym, write, spend time with my family and friends, etc. While I am very open with my audience, I don’t share every walk of life, but I can understand how one might assume I am inundated with heartache these days. I’m not… That’s just what I’ve opted to write about. Like I mentioned, I’m headed North! I have way too much to look forward to to spend my every moment feeling bad for myself. I have bigger puzzles to put together than this shattered heart of mine. I cannot spend all my time attempting to put the pieces together. But I have to give it some attention…some thought. If given the proper care, most wounds heal themselves, but you have to treat it for it to heal properly. Like broken bones and sprained muscles my heart needs therapy… For me, therapy comes in various forms; writing, the gym, philanthropic work, time with my family and friends, my job, complete isolation and most importantly, God.
Years of therapy have thought me that the one of worst thing I could do is avoid my emotions and act like everything is cool when it’s not. I try to be patient with myself. When I feel an emotion, I allow myself to feel it, but I do not allow it to become me. The ability to do that is not an easy one, but I’m happy I’m learning to better manage my emotions as I mature.
I’m a thinker, I’m a talker, I’m a listener, I’m tough as nails and soft like clean warm towels, I’m jaded, I’m optimistic, I’m vulnerable, I’m in pain, but I’m loved and I love everyday. And when the day comes that I finally stumble upon the man who will love me, like me, want me and be with me forever, I’ll be ready. He’ll be ready. And I’m going to talk to him all the time. And I’m going to listen to him all the time. And I’ll do my best to be patient and forgiving. And I’m going to love him like I’ve never been hurt because he is worth the risk. And when I realize it’s him, I’m going to look in his eyes for a while, I’m going to memorize his smile, I’m going to trace his face with my fingers so I can feel what he looks like, I’m going to inhale when he exhales…I will breathe him… I’ll know its him only because he would have already done all of the above… first he will breathe me.